Zen Spa: Touch of Zen $55 (90 min)

After a week long of flu and terrible weather with continuous downpours of rain. Add that with myself being extra careful while driving on the slippery roads of Brunei. Everyday newspapers reported cars being turned over like turtles. Its time for me to allow myself to indulge and relax. The Zen Spa store in Kiulap is well positioned when I was driving near the Kiulap big round-about. So I decided to drop in and checked myself for a treatment. The décor and interior was well thought, with tones of grey and the sounds of running water from the furniture pieces. Although the temperature was a bit warm for my liking despite the cold weather outside and the lighting was a bit bright which ruins the spa ambience.

I was in luck, for HSBC cardholders I get 25% discount for all their spa treatments and massages – and Zen Spa is also doing 30% off promotion on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Good marketing. Bruneians do love discounts. I contemplate on getting the scrub to go with the massage but then decided to experience their signature massage called Touch of Zen which is a combination of 5 massages: Swedish, Shiatsu, Thai, Hawaiian, Lomi-Lomi & Reflexology. Again good marketing, get to experience all the various types of massages in one go! Going good so far.

Unfortunately, that was the only good part. Their signature massage was a nightmare! The massage therapists assigned was I thought inexperienced and can’t seem to stop talking. He claims to have 3 years of massage experience but at most of the time the pressure was wrong, it was either painful or no sensation at all. In the beginning, he started off with either the Hawaiian or the Lomi-Lomi (can’t differentiate between the 2), and it was the wrong pressure – which made me to ask him to increase the pressure, but he never achieved the right pressure. Within 20-30 minutes of the massage, I was still waiting when he will eventually get it right and told myself repeatedly that eventually I will be relaxed and starting to enjoy his massage. But it never happen.

At some point of the massage, I hinted my dissatisfaction indirectly, “How many minutes left until the massage ends?”, I wanted to leave at that point but changed my mind afterwards thinking do people ever leave a treatment after 30 minutes, were there any precedents of people leaving from a treatment? The massage therapist started to work on my back, and started to produced a painful pressure on a point. He tells me that my back had to be realigned and he had to “push” and “adjust” the muscle in the correct position. I am sceptical at this point, having studied Kinesiology and Human Physiology at University and my experiences with other spas, I felt I was being lied to and fed with bogus scientific statements from the massage therapist. ‘Still “breaking” the “hard” muscle’ he said. This is good apparently according to him, to make me feel relax afterwards. Me on the other end thought I might be getting bruises from his massage. Then he did the Thai massage, which he began to stretch myself like a workout in the gym – it definitely have awaken me up however if I need to stretch I could have save my money and come to Zunic for a great workout instead!

After what seemed to have felt ages, finally came towards an end. The masseuse recommended another three more massages next time for me to enjoy and maximise the benefits. As if? I would not be coming back for the Touch of Zen, Thank You Very Much.

After a week long of flu and the terrible weather, I ask myself this, why oh why did I chose to do a massage here and felt much worse. I think it all goes down to this: Brilliant marketing. Leaflets with prices were distributed around with promotions and discounts as well as pairing up with major banks like HSBC & Standard Chartered to do a bit of marketing work for them. Busy people bringing this leaflets back at home, imagining a day where they can enjoy the treatments listed and waiting for the day of indulgence to come. But end up feeling dissatisfied! I can’t help myself but feel cheated in some way. $55 down the drain and there’s no way I can ever get that back.

Verdict: 2/10

90 minutes of Touch of Zen costs $55, call in 223 7777 for discounts and promotions.